I’d like to be able telling you that this story had a happy conclusion but as in life things aren’t as cut and dried as Id like them to be. In many instances the answers are straight forward, black and white. This is how I like things to be. I don’t like entitlement, politics, or prejudice.


I did not hear from this coach for a couple of weeks. As the “zen” of life would have it I called on by a parent to come look at his daughter’s modified team. He was not trying to hang the coach or get his daughter more playing time. She was playing a lot and the coach seemed to be, according to my client, a good, competent coach.


What he wanted me to see were the parents. He had read my book and wanted to know what he could do to help the situation. I told him the lollipop story. A friend of mine, you will see her interview soon, tells a story of how her sister brought lollypops to  her children’s soccer game and whenever a parent started yelling at their kids, or the ref, or the coach, she would go up and give them a lollipop. It got to be quite an accepted practice and most people got a kick out of it. I suggested that he try it, or have his wife try it. But first, he should talk to the coach and have a team meeting with the other parents.


So we get to the game and the parents start in right away. Let me explain to you that children do not like their parents giving them instructions when they are playing and they certainly don’t like it when their parents start coaching or yelling at the refs. It is one of the reasons 80% of the kids questioned in a national poll by Michigan State University of over 28,000 kids said they don’t even want the score to be kept in the games they played. (We did our own poll at Frozen Shorts and the numbers were even greater, and with some very insightful comments from the children)


I’m watching the parents, actually sitting right in the middle of them and I am embarrassed as to what was said to these young girls and the referee while the kids where playing. It was awful.


But then I heard a parent from the other team yell at the ref on a close play. I knew that voice. I had heard it before. I looked down the bleachers, and there was the coach who I had been mentoring. It was his voice. I immediately looked to find out who his daughter was on the floor. They did not have names on their jerseys, so I looked for the girl who cringed when this guy spoke. Then I saw him start to mouth directions to his daughter when she was sitting on the bench


She looked at him, shrugged her shoulders and then looked away, disgusted. She had had enough of the” butinsky” from her father. She just wanted to be left alone and play. I watched bemused as he basically coached the game from the stands telling his wife and those around him what should and shouldn’t be done on the court. He had on his schools colors and was being such a jerk that I immediately knew why he had such a hard time implementing the F.S.T.M. with his team for any length of time.


I left with my client, went to a diner and met with him after he dropped his daughter off at home. We discussed the game, his daughter, what I thought she should work on, and other sports she might want to try, and the fans that were there. He thanked me, paid me, and we parted ways with a very nice compliment on my suggestions.


Well, unbeknownst to me during the game the other coach who I was working with wife saw me at the game. She called me the next morning and asked if she could speak to me about a problem. Seems her husband was having trouble with his job and sleeping at night, especially after games he coached or watched. He wanted to have his games taped and the kids watch video. She said it was also causing problems at home and her daughter wanted to quit playing.


She asked if I would talk to him for her. I said sure. I am still waiting for that call.


Frozen Short’s contact information:

You can follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website to read other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more. You can follow him on face book, or contact him at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Hiss book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports is available in E-Reader and paperback through his website